Chapter 6 -------- Not So Honeymoon
Danielle and I both had the entire weekend off. We were fully expecting to spend a nice quiet weekend with each other, certainly nothing too crazy. It was supposed to be a micro honeymoon, but it had turned out far different than either of us could have expected. It was a far wilder experience than I could have ever imagined. The day after the surgery was anything but a honeymoon.
I was grateful that I was able to stay with Danielle in the hospital for the weekend. I was able to be by her side almost twenty-four hours a day except for when I grabbed some food. I know it made it easier on her to have me there with her. We were in a huge brand-new hospital with the staff being especially attentive and kind. Everything felt new, and peace surrounded us.
As I mentioned, there was a beautiful garden in the center of the hospital where we were married. The building was several stories tall and located on the North Side of Scottsdale, which is the upper-class area of Phoenix. I’ve never been a huge fan of hospitals, but this one wasn’t bad in my book. It felt like at least we had our little honeymoon suite. We had privacy and some space in the room, even though we weren’t expecting to be there this weekend, it wasn’t the worst place to spend time recovering.
I was also happy because there was a Sprouts Grocery Store down the street where I knew I could buy Danielle fresh organic juice once she could start eating again. I went to the store and purchased all the organic fruit packets I could find. I bought her fresh-squeezed juices and made sure to have some organic oatmeal too. Danielle was very strict about her diet before her diagnosis, so after this occurred, the dietary regulations became even stricter. She had some knowledge of proper diets because she worked as a health assistant for some time with a local MD/ND. The hospital food was far from anything that Danielle would even consider consuming. I did end up making several trips that weekend to purchase everything that she needed.
The first day went as expected, beginning with the nurses waking us up early for the shift change. So far, we had had very nice and helpful nurses. Most were talking to us about chemotherapy because my wife was constantly asking questions. I too had a long list of questions of my own. Most of the advice that we received said to get started as soon as possible. I was a bit concerned about starting treatment so early. Danielle expressed a lot of reservations about any treatment.
From my research, I found that chemotherapy basically stops the division of cells, the hope being that the cancer cells die off first because they have a quicker metabolic rate than our normal cells. I also realized that it stops all cell division, which means it should also halt the healing process. My wife was recovering from the most intense surgery that a woman can receive, she was in great pain, and preparing for several weeks to a month of convalescence. We each had our concerns about what to do next, and we were waiting for answers from the Doctor.
The doctor arrived around 8 am to talk to us about the surgery. We had been anxiously waiting and were nervous beyond all belief. He was a very pleasant and professional surgeon, very truthful and forthcoming with his answers. He immediately told us that it was Cancer when he opened her up. The Doctor was surprised to hear that Danielle remembered anything after the surgery. He told us that no one ever remembered what he told them after they came out of anesthesia. Which is why he told me I would have to tell her. He sat for a moment in amazement at the revelation. The Doctor even asked if she was a trained government agent, she just laughed and said nothing, as he proceeded to explain the surgery.
He explained that he had to make two incisions that went across and up her abdomen. He opened her up and performed the full hysterectomy. Additional exploration showed several inflamed lymph nodes, but there weren’t any significant signs that it had spread. I trusted his words as this was what he did as his specialty; we all felt confident that he had removed any visible signs of cancer. He didn’t consider surgery alone to be enough for her survival. He was dropping the big news bomb on both of our days. He told us that without chemotherapy, she would survive less than a year. This was a big blow to Danielle and a reality check. We were devastated.
Immediately we had questions for him. We were foremost concerned with the side effects of the chemotherapy. Danielle had a bit of a complicated medical history. For my wife, this was also not the first time that she had faced a terminal disease or a life-threatening prognosis. She had at one point in her life suffered from Lupus and Addison’s disease, but both had gone into remission and no longer affected her. She suffered from some problems because of the disease and had to take cortisol, a synthetic hormone, that assisted her when she had Addison’s disease, and her adrenal glands failed. If the lupus were to return, it would cause additional complication.
Another problem being that if she started throwing up and didn’t control it quickly, she would continue to vomit until death. Throwing up might require immediate medical attention. Vomiting and Nausea are the two main side effects of chemotherapy. When we asked the doctor what we should do about this, he said not to worry there were medications to help with that despite Danielle’s reservations about not responding well. The Doctors final recommendation was to try the chemotherapy and see what happens.
My wife and I had discussed before he came in what options we would consider. We both had very strong feelings against full blown chemo. However, the doctor had previously mentioned that there were less harsh versions now available depending on the outcome. I didn’t understand what he meant; this was new news to me. We were hoping the doctor was going to discuss the other options, but the only option he gave was full blown heavy dosage chemo.
During the surgery, he even installed a port into my wife so that they could pour the chemo into her insides. A more aggressive but potentially more effective method of treating the source of cancer. It seemed like a very intense treatment option. On top of that, Danielle was upset that he installed the port in the first place. It made her feel disgusting having something coming out of her. The port never bothered me, I never felt it took away from her beauty. My concerns were on the source of her cancer.
The Doctor only told us he was looking for genetic markers in the Cancer as he didn’t have any other answers as to what caused it. It would take several weeks to discover the results too. He never showed any sign or concern at the cause of the Cancer. His sole and main purpose was to sell his treatment. Encouraging Danielle just to give it a shot, as he explained it was the only option that would offer her a chance for survival. Trust me when I say that the number of times, he reassured us that my wife would die without doing chemo was disgustingly scary.
I had done my research, and on top of that, I had personally experienced the failed chemo patients at work every week. I heard the horror stories. I saw the struggles many of them faced. The hopelessness in their spouse’s eyes, I still didn’t get it at this time, not fully but I started to understand it. I began to see how hopeless the answers were making Danielle — constantly being reminded by the nurses and doctors that she didn’t stand a chance of survival without chemo.
The backlash from the staff, had us stop voicing our disapproval of the treatment options they recommended. Resistance was Futile. It was a group effort we realized we couldn’t compete against and win. They all had the same programming, and nothing we said was going to get them to think otherwise. Hopefully, this book will.
However, I expressed serious concern that they wanted to start treatment the first week after surgery. It upset me how fast the hospital wanted to start treatment while the recovery was still an issue. The doctor conceded that within the first month was fine, but for some reason, the doctor and staff wanted to push for more aggressive treatment. The doctor told us to expect about a two to three-week recovery time from the surgery and that we should immediately start treatment then. I was also wondering how long she would be in the hospital, and he said it would be another four to five days.
The apprehension continued to mount throughout the first two days. Danielle was uncertain about the answers from the doctor, as she didn’t feel that they took her conditions into account. First, she worried that her past illnesses would resurface if she were to do chemo, and in her condition, those problems could cause life-threatening complications. The only solution that they could provide was a long list of medications they use to combat side effects. It was literally if this is wrong, they give this drug, if this happens, they use that drug.
My wife became repeatedly upset because she would have such bad reactions to medications. She had many in her life already that showed adverse side effects; all pain killers would cause severe constipation, while Advil and Tylenol would cause nausea. Then anti-nausea meds would cause seizers. The doctors were facing a complicated patient, but the treatment never changed, the treatment they used was universal, and they never discussed a single other option. This enraged Danielle. She was furious that they hadn’t offered a single treatment option that took her health conditions into account.
I was still caught up on the lack of discovery process involved in the cause of her cancer. It upset me to have no answers to the potential cause of cancer. It felt like more should have been done to address potential causes of cancer, but that didn’t happen either. I anticipated that there might be toxins or chemicals that may have caused it, but there were no tests, no survey, no investigation whatsoever. I left me so angry that I had a difficult time discussing the issue calmly.
Thankfully I received a little reprieve when my mom and sister arrived. Danielle had several friends visit that Sunday too. It was nice that one of her very close friends lived near the hospital. She was able to come by and show some additional support, often giving me a couple of minutes to take a smoke break. I didn’t want to overwhelm my wife with too many visitors or conversations. I could tell after several minutes that my wife was not responding well to my family’s questions. I didn't find it appropriate to go over traumatic experiences in front of Danielle, putting too much stress on her. Danielle’s friend was visiting, so I was able to excuse the three of us.
I thought that grabbing a burger and watching the football game would be nice to get my mind off things. We coincidentally joined the family friend my mom and sister had driven up with at a local restaurant. His wife was strangely enough in the area, visiting a friend who was losing the battle to Cancer. I couldn’t help but feel life had called us together at that moment for support. Synchronicity was playing its cards again, and I couldn’t help but notice that we were all called to the same restaurant. It was a tough time for everyone, but we found comfort in each other.
I said a big goodbye to my sister because she was leaving to teach in Thailand for the year. My mom was returning home to Tucson 2 hours south of Scottsdale. When I got back to the room, I knew my wife was a little upset about my sister and mother’s comments about her having a full hysterectomy. I never thought they would make such horrible comments.
My mom and sister were concerned about the type of surgery and the type of cancer. After discovering it was ovarian and she had a full hysterectomy they were showing immediate concerns. I knew their concerns were that we weren’t going to be having children. I had to tell them that we were planning on adopting anyway to get them to shut up about the kids. Instead, their response was, “Good to hear; we were so worried about that.” Danielle was beyond upset and couldn’t believe they would comment about my wife not being able to have kids.
I didn’t understand the damage and trauma it caused to Danielle since I’m sure she felt bad enough about being robbed of the ability to have kids. This was a very sensitive subject for Danielle, and a source of much immediate sadness. This experience taught me how important it is to be mindful of what we say, and how we say it. Sadly this was just the first of many insane comments that people would say to Danielle that were completely inappropriate or disrespectful.
After my family left, we were back to dealing with the pain. The surgery left my wife unable to move on her own. The first couple of days involved convincing her to use the medications that the hospital had provided because the MMJ wasn’t strong enough to manage all the pain. The MMJ would help, but it wouldn’t make it go away like some of the prescription pain killers could. She needed to rest, and mixing the medications were helping. Still, her fear of constipation was overruling her need to control the pain; she had a high tolerance for pain. It made more sense to her to handle something that she could manage if it meant that a bigger fear could be averted. Danielle did things her way, and there wasn’t a lot I could do to convince her otherwise.
I went to bed Sunday night dreading Monday morning; I was in for the worst case of the Monday’s ever. The reason I wasn’t looking forward to Monday was that I had to work a ten-hour shift in Sedona on Monday morning. Typically I worked normal forty-hour work weeks with four days on three days off. This week I was in for a little more because I switched shifts to have our honeymoon. I would have to work for the next seven days straight.
Monday morning, we were up around five a.m. The nurses started coming in to check on us around 6. I had already applied the topical pain meds that I had bought. We saw better results every day. I was thrilled that it was making her recovery a bit more pleasant. She was still using an occasional dose of the pain meds they had on a drip. She wasn’t thrilled with how it was making her feel as every dose kicked up her nausea. I had to make a quick run to Natural Grocer’s to pick her up some supplies for the day before heading to work. Danielle needed some organic shampoo and conditioner, as well as some more juice snacks. It had to be quick if I was going to make it to work on time.
I promised that I would be back that evening because I wasn’t going to leave her alone a single night. I made a vow that day to always spend my nights with her. I gathered my things together that I needed for the day, and I was off.
I left early enough to miss rush hour traffic at 7:00 am. It was a little more than an hour and forty-five minutes back to Sedona, and I had to work at 10:00 am. I knew that would give me 45 minutes to an hour to get ready and get to work, which was plenty of time. That day at work was particularly hard, I didn’t say much and wasn’t feeling very talkative. Thankfully it wasn’t a busy day, so I was able to send a bunch of “I love you texts to my wife.” After nine hours, my boss let me out a little early. I did tell him about what had transpired, he sympathized. I grabbed everything I had forgotten to grab in our first crazy trip to Scottsdale. I ran by both of our houses, finishing little chores. We did have several days before Danielle would be home.
After I gathered everything, I was back in the car. I made sure to bring plenty of music with me so that I would stay alert. I’ve done some wild long-distance road trips by myself several times, so this just felt like it was going to be a bit of an extended one. I knew I could do it. Life had prepared me for this challenge with many solo road trips.
I’ll mention a notable few. Once, I drove seventeen hundred miles in less than twenty-four hours, making the trip from the Illinois border to Arizona. I also made a twenty-four-hour round trip to San Diego from Tucson to make it to a family reunion, Sunday was the only day I could get covered at work, so I left after a fifteen-hour shift at 3:00 am, then drove five hours to surprise the family at breakfast. I believe only my sister knew I was coming. Sadly I also had to work the following day. So I spent eight hours with the family took an hour and a half power nap and drove another six-hours home. It may not have always been fun, but it was always worth the trip.
My favorite adventure was a day trip from Tucson, AZ to Los Angeles, a short eight-hour drive each way. All to watch a US vs. Mexico soccer game with my roommates. Knowing full well I had to drive back immediately after the game to make it to my 8 am soccer game the following day. A game that we just so happened to win down three players. I guess you could say that long-distance road adventures have tested my commitments to the extreme, and I knew this was going to be one of my greatest tests of commitment. I committed to being with my wife every night, and I wouldn’t let her down.
The first trip back wasn’t a challenge at all. I was so excited to see my wife that my adrenaline just kept me super alert and super anxious. I sent a text or two to let her know my progress, but after an hour and 40 minutes, I was at the hospital entrance. Still had to take the elevator to level 3 and then go to the other end of the building, but I was just so happy to see my wife.
When we saw each other, we kissed and hugged and cried because we were so happy to be together again. It was about 10:00 pm at this point, but I wanted to stay up with her and talk. She told me how her friend from Phoenix had stopped by to show her support. She also talked about what she was going to do about telling the girls in her dance classes. She didn’t want any rumors getting out. I told her that wasn’t something we needed to worry about right now.
One of her friends and the parent of a student showed up over the weekend and drafted up an announcement while I was having lunch with my family. It didn’t reveal anything other than Danielle was temporarily closing the studio because of health concerns. She knew that it was going to make a lot of people worry because so many saw her as indestructible. It was a miracle she survived most of the events of her life, and many of her friends knew this. Danielle was miraculous in every sense. It always appeared like nothing could keep Danielle down, the cat with nine lives. Danielle never wanted to show weakness to the community, a community that she said loves to spread rumors.
Coincidentally, the friend who was now living in Phoenix had to move away from Sedona to avoid small-town gossip. When people make choices with their lives because they lose a loved one, it isn’t right to expect that person to go back to the way things used to be. Loss changes people, and many choose different paths when confronted with death. Danielle and I were reevaluating our situation faced with our new challenges.
To some, it could be a wake-up call; each of us must choose how we deal with the grief. Support is what people need, and asking inappropriate questions, or making any selfish comments are just unacceptable. Danielle wouldn’t stand for it. Sadly, people are so selfish that they would impose their needs or desires above another person’s. Too often, Danielle would push her desires aside to help others; she was the definition of supportive.
Support comes in many forms, it can be a kind word, showing up for someone, a home cooked meal, it can be a simple compliment, or offering to sit down and listen to someone, and when I say listen, I mean listen. Most importantly, any information which is shared is confidential, and should never flow into gossip. Today people spread crazy rumors to feel better about themselves. It is talking about the worst in people versus encouraging the best.
We don’t compliment random people unless they really stand out, but it’s the people who are not standing out that most need the encouragement. It is the homeless person that needs the reassuring word. We give all our energy to the glitz and glamor of life and compliment the pretty people but forget to compliment the person who is trying and struggling. Danielle would see these people and would offer support.
My wife made everyone feel special. I know that was one of the things I loved so much about her. I would like to believe I made her feel as special as she made me feel. It felt like I owed it to her to make her feel extraordinary. To provide the support and understanding she needed most. I felt beyond protective of her and didn’t want her to experience any additional stress from outside sources. We had enough to deal with at the hospital. She was constantly being scared by the nursing staff, convincing her that she needed to do Chemo.
After my first day back at work, my wife’s attitude towards chemo was already shifting. I was a little concerned, although I figured it wouldn’t hurt to get some more information. That night I went to bed on the fold-out couch as I had over the weekend. It was just nice to be with her and show her the support she deserved. We still had our intimate moments, despite the hellish nightmare we faced. It proved our love was deeper than anything purely physical. We had an emotional connection that neither of us had ever shared with another person in our lives. Neither of us had ever known such genuine love, and she knew at that point that I wasn’t going anywhere.
The next morning, I was up at 6:00 am again. Danielle and I spent an hour with each other. We talked more, and we said a lot of “I love you’s.” However, I had to head back for day two at work, and it was another hour and forty minutes home. I threw on some music for another smooth trip home. I Cleaned up, changed into my work clothes and I was back out the door. At work that day, I did a little research on Chemotherapy.
I started with cancer.gov, which is pro chemotherapy. I looked up all the information I could. The main thing I was looking for was more clarification on potential side effects and what we could expect while going through chemo. We hadn’t received many answers that satisfied my wife or me for that matter. I knew that no matter what we decided, we were going to make an incredibly informed decision. I read all the material that they provided on the website and printed out the information that I thought Danielle would want to read as well.
I thankfully got out of work early the next night as well, and I was heading home quick before going back to Phoenix. I was still feeling good and was ready for another trip back down the mountain. I packed up some snacks and hit the road. At this point, my wife was always anxious and wondering when I would be there. I arrived around 9:00 pm and was able to spend a nice evening rubbing the medicine into her feet. It had become somewhat of a ritual that I would give her a foot massage every time I applied her meds, well since I didn’t use gloves, I guess it was both of our meds.
I know at the time that I did use Medical Marijuana for anxiety, sometimes sleep, and for pain as well. I have used it more often recreationally, but I understood the medicinal benefits as well. The application of the Rick Simpson Oil, it was having a calming effect on me too, which was a good state for me to be of service. Danielle needed me to be calm, cool, and collected, because I was her rock, for the times when she couldn’t be calm and collected.
Four Days after her surgery, she stopped using the prescription meds, she was constipated, which was a common side effect she had from those meds and the anesthesia. She also had developed a bad case of ascites, which is when there is fluid buildup in the abdomen. The doctor recommended that they install a drainage port to take care of the issue. So my wife would have to be put under again for them to install this. I would have to say that the anesthetic they used gave her the worst side effects. The nurses constantly reminded her that it would take several weeks for that to clear the body. It was going to make her feel completely awful all over again having to go through this procedure, and they were going to do it the next day.
That night we discussed a little more about the treatment options. She was becoming increasingly supportive of trying chemotherapy. It was quite the shift for her considering that initially she had said there was absolutely no way that she would be doing chemo, but She didn’t want to tell them that. We felt forced to play along with doing the traditional treatment. Now she wasn’t playing. Danielle was serious about Chemo.
I pulled out the information sheets I found from the American Cancer Society; it was a lot of information. The first and most important thing I thought we should go over is the Side Effect Worksheet that is used to monitor and tell how you are responding to the treatment. It was literally four full pages of nasty side effects such as vomiting, diarrhea, constipation (yeah you can get both apparently), swelling, allergic reactions, and about twelve other side effects that all list levels of severity. We were supposed to use it to track her negative reactions.
Danielle’s immediate response was, “Fuck That.” She proceeded to say that most of the side effects and the main side effects were practically fatal with her pre-existing conditions. If she started throwing up ever, we would have to go to the ER, and they would have to administer a drug that helps her stop vomiting but makes her feel horrible. A coworker and neighbor confirmed to me that he had to take her non-stop puking to the ER one night. He definitely made it sound about two hundred percent funnier than it was, but that was just the type of guy he was, always making jokes.
Danielle and I decided it was probably best not to tell the Nurses that she wasn’t interested in doing chemo. If she did, it was clear that they were going to continue to pressure her into doing it. They practically scared my wife into starting chemo; thankfully, she didn’t succumb to the fear, and her rational mind won over. I should also say that according to the most recent statistics at the time, stated that she only had an eight percent chance of survival with chemo or radiation. I have noticed the statistics have drastically changed to closer to forty percent. Eight percent didn’t inspire hope.
The hospital could not provide most of what my wife needed and didn’t carry chemical-free, organic, or non-GMO food. The hospital couldn’t give her any information on available alternative treatments. They wouldn’t discuss alternative options even though over one hundred different alternatives have been shown to fight cancer in one way or another. I knew it was in Danielle’s best interest to get out of the hospital.
However, we had a problem. Danielle was still constipated. It had been about five days at this point, so it was starting to become a concern. The next day she had to go under for a small procedure, which meant more anesthesia. Creating more worry about the continued constipation as a result. The nurses reminded us that she hadn’t eaten enough to have a bowel movement.
We tried to get some sleep that night, but we both found it rather difficult. Most of our nights had been restless, and by day three of work, I could feel a bit of the emotional exhaustion. I was wiped out, but at least I had the drive and some music always to allow me to re-center myself to be the best I could be for my wife.
The following several days were very similar; I was driving every morning back to Sedona for an eight to nine-hour shift then hopping in the car to drive back to Phoenix to spend the night with my wife. Friday was the big exception, I didn’t work early in the morning, but I also hadn’t gone out looking for a new job either. I was slightly more concerned about making more money at this point. Especially considering we were facing the cost of alternative treatments which is never covered by insurance. I knew I needed to make more money.
I left a little later that morning around ten a.m. to head back and get cleaned up so I could apply to several restaurants. I was completely exhausted at this point and didn’t have the energy for job hunting. I didn’t have an option, and I needed to find a better job. I wished at this point in my life that I had a more stable foundation because much of this additional stress was because of financial need. It was an added stress because we were going to be out her income for several weeks, according to the doctor. I was seeing that it could be even longer than that for her to be able to teach again. So I decided to do what I could.
The first place I applied to was the restaurant at the end of Danielle’s street. I figured the menu and the style of dining was a perfect fit for me. I walked in and asked to fill out an application. I sat down at the bar and started filling it out, soon afterward the owner walked in. I said hi and introduced myself and told her that I had just married Miss Danielle.
Right away, she was impressed and told me that she absolutely loved Danielle. I didn’t feel it was the time to tell her what had happened yet. At once, she gave me the job, but I knew I still had to fill out the application for her records. I was so happy that at least I had accomplished what I came home early to do. I immediately went home for a needed nap before work that day.
After a five-hour shift, I went home. I was truly feeling the exhaustion setting in, and I was starting to worry about the drive. I wasn’t feeling my usual strong, vibrant self. Facing exhaustion, I couldn’t give up now. I hate to admit, but my secret weapon for extended road trips is nicotine or cigarettes typically. I gave up chewing tobacco seven years ago, but it wasn’t until I met Danielle that I was able to kick the smoking tobacco addiction. She made it easy, and after six weeks, I could really use one.
The stress was getting to me, and the need for a cigarette was at an all-time high. I knew I could safely drive anywhere if I had a little nicotine. I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes. I wanted to keep it a secret and fully intended to give them up as soon as I was done driving like crazy. Loaded with my secret road trip weapon, I made it safely to Phoenix that night.
I brushed my teeth when I arrived and went up to see my beautiful wife. I am sorry I haven’t mentioned it more, but when I say she was beautiful, she was still beautiful. People couldn’t believe how lovely she looked, especially after her surgeries. Danielle always maintained that natural inner attractiveness she had inside. Even though Danielle was tough on herself, she would always get the best compliments from everyone who met her. Most said they wished they looked half as good when they weren’t sick. It was cute but still made Danielle feel like she was still missing some of that allure because of the circumstances.
We had another great evening together, but I also tried to get some rest. I had brought up all the orgonite that I had made and put it in the room. I immediately noticed that I slept better when it was in the room versus when it wasn’t. I made sure to always leave it in the room with Danielle because I’m sure it was helping her too. For those unfamiliar with orgonite, it is a substance that can be made using metal shavings, a resin, and crystals that helps protect from harmful EMF radiation. The radiation from all the devices was unavoidable in the hospital.
Most people tell me that they sleep better when they put a piece orgonite next to their bed. I never had a sleeping problem until now. I needed the rest, and so did my wife. I knew that I needed to do what I could to assist. The first night we both slept was the first night I brought a bag full of orgonite in the room. I later decorated the room with tons of pyramids. The addition had created a noticeable difference in my ability to sleep.
When we woke up on Saturday morning, it was another beautiful sunny day. We always seemed to wake up around sunrise. It also gave us an hour or two to talk before I had to go to work. I left that day, knowing that it looked like Danielle would be released on Monday. It brought me a lot of relief because I had Monday and Tuesday off so I would be able to take her home.
The next two days went without a hitch, and finally, Sunday night arrived. I was just relieved to have completed my endurance challenge for the week. It was nice just to know that we were likely to be discharged the next day. We could finally return home together.
We woke up with high hopes that we would be able to get out of the hospital quick. It ended up taking about five hours longer than expected but at least when we were able to leave Danielle was doing much better. The previous ten days had been enough, and she was pulling together all her strength for the car trip home. She was still suffering from extreme pain from the surgery, it had done a number on her, and the ascites was still causing severe discomfort too. My only goal was to make it home safe. I took it slow, making it home in about two hours.
We made it back to my house that evening around eight p.m. It was fantastic to get her settled into bed finally. I made sure to double dose her with medical marijuana. She was able to start eating the MMJ by this point, which was better for sleep and anxiety. I had to be careful not to give her too much because she didn’t enjoy being “super stoned,” as some might put it. In the evenings, it was a very useful tool to help her sleep and rest her thoughts. My home would be our new home. We had a journey of recovery and healing ahead of us.
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